Jesus' Coming Back

Avatar 3 run time predicted to go right up to Avatar 4 release

TORONTO, ON – There’s something special to look forward to in 2024. With blockbuster movie running times increasing every year, Avatar 3 has an announced run time of 2 years. This takes the end of the movie right up to opening day of Avatar 4 in 2026. Moviegoers will be able to walk out of Avatar 3 and turn right back around to go see the next chapter.

“Is it long? Yes. Is it too long? Debatable,” said Canadian writer-director James Cameron. “Stories take as long as they need to take to be told. Once you start writing, shooting, and editing, a movie takes on a life of its own. In this case, it’s the life of a two-year old child.”

The film intentionally includes extended shots of forests and administrative meetings to allow viewers to use the bathroom and take quick naps. Canadian cinemas will be equipped with grocery stores in a new partnership with Loblaws and tickets to the film will come with a two year lease of the seat, including monthly condo fees. Many Canadians will find it much more affordable to watch the movie than pay their rent.

Cineplex CEO Ellis Jacob stated, “We’re looking for a captive audience to grow our business model. It doesn’t get more captivating than a pair of cinematic masterpieces from one of the highest grossing directors of all-time keeping our audiences enthralled for years of their life. Plus we’ve secretly always wanted to get into the property business where the real money is.”

If trends continue and movie running times continue to increase at their current rates, the runtime of Avatar 4 could be until the heat death of the universe. James Cameron aims to deploy cutting edge AI to generate scripts, actors, sets, music, and everything else while the movie plays such that the content is being generated faster than it is being projected in the cinema.

Cameron declared, “You will all be mindless drones drooling before my mighty works! Finally, my rule will be- Uh, I mean: can’t wait for you all to see my new movie!”

Premium VIP Ticket viewers of Avatar 3 will also be able to watch an extended director’s cut of Avatar 2 as a picture-in-picture that plays simultaneously for the first year of runtime.

Beaverton

Jesus Christ is King

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