Announcement: Now That Affirmative Action Is Illegal, We At The Babylon Bee Are Firing All Our Female Employees

We were devastated last week to hear the Supreme Court overturned affirmative action, which has been used to help unfunny women obtain comedy writing positions for many years. Since we are always careful to comply with the law, we at The Babylon Bee have decided to part ways with all our female employees.

This is a difficult decision. We’re outraged that in 2023, women still struggle to find work in comedy due to most of them not being funny at all. While we shared many laughs with our female writers, it was mostly because we thought they were cute and wanted them to like us.

It wasn’t because they were funny or anything. They weren’t.

Sometimes, we asked for their help when we were writing about women with questions like: “Hey, Cathy, is this what a woman would say?” but that’s it. They may have written a few jokes, but we can’t really remember.

While our hearts are heavy, we still have hope that one day America might live up to its ideals of equity, belonging, and diversity. We wish our female staff the best in their future efforts doing whatever it is women do.

Nothing weird, just a bunch of bros hanging out drinking Bud Light and talking about their feelings. Just chilling. Not gay.

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