PARIS — French President Emmanuel Macron has addressed Muslim immigrants who are continuing to burn town buildings and terrorize the populace, issuing a stern warning that if they don’t stop fighting he will call Kyle Rittenhouse.
“I’ve had it with your troublemaking! If you don’t cut it out this instant, so help me, I will call Kyle Rittenhouse!” said Macron from the smoldering ash heap where his house used to be. “Kyle doesn’t mess around! You best start behaving right now!”
Rioters then responded defiantly by shooting AK-47s in the air and tossing another Molotov cocktail in a croissant shop.
Sources say high-level officials are currently in talks with Rittenhouse to have him fly to France and clean up the streets with his AR-15. “We’re confident he will make short work of the commies and Islamofascist creeps prowling our streets,” said one anonymous government source. “Help us Kyle! Please, help us!”
At publishing time, Macron had invited Rittenhouse to France, causing rioters to immediately surrender.
Nothing weird, just a bunch of bros hanging out drinking Bud Light and talking about their feelings. Just chilling. Not gay.
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Babylon Bee
Jesus Christ is King
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