Texans React To Deadly Heat Wave

“I’m checking on my guns every couple of hours to make sure they’re safe and comfortable.”

“Have we tried nicely asking the Jews to turn it off?”

“If prisoners didn’t want to suffer a deadly heat wave without AC, they shouldn’t have committed nonviolent offenses in a society with a corrupt justice system.”

“Ah, it ain’t that hot out.”

“Now I am the one who holds the noose. It is I who decides who lives and who dies.”

“We recommend that if you have to be homeless, you do it indoors.”

“Just tell me who I need to shoot to make it stop.”

“A damn shame how few migrants it’s killed.”

“With the risk this heat wave poses to pregnant women, it’s the most abortion access we’ve had in years.”

“This is all because Target allowed nonbinary kids to read books or whatever we were mad about.”

“Good thing you can’t die from being too hot.”

“I like to run around in a circle to create a cool breeze.”

“We’ve done our part to make this land inhospitable to people, and God is meeting us halfway.”

“I just called the power company, and they assured me death is imminent.”

“I don’t see why I should have to answer any questions from a giant talking bottle of ice cold water.”

“Could you please call an ambulance?”

“Stay cool out there!”