SAN CLEMENTE, CA—Stressing that she had one around here somewhere while rifling through her purse, local mother Nancy Jensen gave her visiting daughter a tampon from 1983, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Aha, I knew I’d find one—30 years later, and it’s as good as new,” said an excited, 68-year-old Jensen, who held up the ancient, applicator-free tampon, blew off the dust, and immediately began inspecting the yellowed, disintegrating packaging. “Back then, this little o.b. tampon was the best kind of tampon you could get. None of this fancy Tampax Pearl stuff! But then, I got pregnant with you. Here—take the whole package. It’s not like these things go bad.” At press time, Jensen had reportedly checked, at her daughter’s request, to see if she had anything newer, only to emerge from a closet with an enormous box of vintage maxi pads the size of adult diapers.
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