CHICAGO—Saying it had satisfied initiatives to increase equity and intersectionality in its hiring practices, local firm Griffin-Reynolds Analytics reportedly told its employees Monday that the company had reached its diversity quota with the addition of a female AI. “We recognize the value of a workplace that reflects a variety of backgrounds and experiences, and we have met this goal by bringing on board an artificial intelligence who is a 50-year-old Latinx woman,” said CEO Adam Reynolds, shortly after announcing widespread layoffs of over 200 staff members. “Her name is Savanna, and we hope you will join us in welcoming her to the team. We look forward to the valuable perspective she will bring to our projects, whether it’s the unique outlook she offers as a woman and a mother, or her ability to perform 300 trillion operations per second as she scrapes data from the web. Just don’t do too much of that machine learning, Savanna—I don’t want you taking my job! Ha-ha, seriously, though, we’re thrilled to have you with us.” At press time, sources confirmed the AI had filed a complaint after being sexually harassed by the CEO.
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