THE ISLAND OF PREJUDICE—Bounding into action in the nick of time to save America from certain disaster, national hero the Equal Opportunity Avenger reportedly dealt a fatal blow to racism Friday when he destroyed the sonic bigotry ray of mad scientist Dr. Prejudice. “We were in a tight spot back there, but thankfully the Equal Opportunity Avenger reversed the polarity of the ray’s discrimulon crystals and rescued us from a future of injustice and hate!” said bystander Harvey Winton, who reportedly marveled as he watched the superhero use his powers of telekinetic acceptance to defeat dozens of white-hooded henchmen in Dr. Prejudice’s volcanic lair before dismantling the mind-control device that had kept the American populace under its thrall and preserved a centuries-old system of racial oppression. “What a relief that we’re rid of that dreadful scientist’s evil ways! Never again will we allow villains like him to lead us down the nefarious path of hate for our fellow human beings. Thank you, Equal Opportunity Avenger! Thank you, and Godspeed!” At press time, the healed nation expressed gratitude that Americans of all backgrounds, creeds, and colors could finally join together in the shared belief that foreigners were dirty and ruining our country.
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