Report: Majority Of Bodies Donated To Science Dressed Up Like Clowns, Shot Out Of Cannons For Fun

CHICAGO—Shedding light on the ultimate destination of charitably given remains, a report published Friday in the Journal Of The American Medical Association found that the overwhelming majority of bodies donated to science are dressed up like clowns and shot out of cannons for fun. “Interestingly, we discovered that nearly nine out of 10 medical cadavers are transferred from their body bag into a polka-dotted jumpsuit, after which they have a rainbow wig placed atop their head, get stuffed inside a circus cannon, and are fired directly at a brick wall,” said report co-author Anastasia Wright, who noted that in two-thirds of cases medical researchers would place name tags reading “Bobo” or “Dumdum” on the makeup-smeared corpses, light the star-spangled cannon’s fuse, and shout “Bon voyage!” before high-fiving each other and cracking open beers. “In a striking number of cases, one body—intended for cancer or cardiovascular research—will be dressed up in a floppy bow tie, red nose, and oversized shoes and then shot as high as possible into the air. This allows doctors to shoot a second body at the first to make the two collide in midair. However you may feel about such activities, it’s important to note that the researchers seem to be having a really great time.” In a related finding, the report indicated that 93% of kidneys, hearts, and livers received from organ donors are used by doctors to practice juggling before getting tossed in the trash.