GALATIA — A local follower of the new religious sect known as “Christians” expressed frustration after a letter from the Apostle Paul arrived notifying the group of believers that circumcision is not a requirement to be a member of the church.
“Would’ve helped to have known about this a few days ago,” said Lucius, a recent convert to the faith. “I became a believer in Jesus Christ last week, and I was so gung-ho about doing everything I could to show how serious I was about changing my life. These Jewish guys told me if I really wanted to belong, I needed to get circumcised. Now, we get this letter from Paul saying it’s not required. Could’ve saved myself a lot of pain if I had been a little more patient. I still can’t walk normally.”
A small group of troublemakers has reportedly been traveling around to Christian churches throughout Asia Minor and telling believers they have to be circumcised. “It’s kind of messed up, actually,” Lucius said. “I was a little suspicious when one of the guys telling me I had to get circumcised kept giggling, but I really wanted to fit in, so I figured I should go ahead and do it. I just wish that letter had gotten here sooner. C’mon, Paul! You’re killing me here! OWW…geez!”
At publishing time, rumors persisted that the group claiming circumcision is necessary was considering kicking their practical joke up a notch to find out what other body parts they could convince people to cut off.
Babylon Bee subscriber Ben Mereness contributed to this report.
If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!
If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!
General Florg of the planet Graxon V has visited Earth – but he’s having trouble understanding humans as he’s never encountered a species with so many genders.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction
Babylon Bee
Jesus Christ is King
Comments are closed.