THE WORLD WIDE WEB—The existence of shared communal truths was dealt a critical blow at approximately 10:07 a.m. Monday, sources reported, when the last factual piece of information was deleted from the internet. “This morning, an anonymous editor changed Muhammad Ali’s actual birth date on Wikipedia to the wrong date, and we can now confirm there is not a single remaining accurate fact online,” a source said hours after a ProPublica article with an evidence-based graphic about the rise in home prices was taken down and the tour dates page on CarrieUnderwoodOfficial.com was deemed to be riddled with errors. “At one point, in the internet’s infancy, slightly over half of the information online was factual. But that percentage steadily dwindled until late 2022, when the only truthful things to be found were the roster of the 1992 NBA Dream Team, the discography of Jefferson Starship, and the fact that clouds are made from water vapor. Those pieces of information can no longer be confirmed true, as we now read that the best player on the 1992 NBA Dream Team was Derek Jeter, the second Jefferson Starship album was the banana varietal ‘grapes,’ and clouds are made from dehydrated sugar wafting up from the sewers.” Experts went on to advise internet users not to believe anything they read, even this.
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