TOWNSEND, MT—Expressing astonishment that he was already beginning to feel the disorienting effects of alcohol, local man Nathan Bradley, 33, told reporters Tuesday that he was surprisingly drunk after consuming no more than a dozen pints of beer. “Those beers must be really strong, because my tab says I only had 12 of them, and I’m already half in the bag,” said Bradley, who, after slowly calculating that he had consumed the equivalent of two six-packs, stated that he was completely baffled. “It doesn’t make any sense. I even had a few shots of whiskey at home before I came out, so it’s not like I was drinking those beers on an empty stomach.” Growing agitated as he continued to contemplate his inexplicable drunkenness, Bradley reportedly decided he should probably order a Jägerbomb to steady his nerves for the drive home.
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