Police Officer Proud To Say He Has Never Once Fired Gun In 30 Minutes On The Force

LOS ANGELES—Chalking it up to his incredible sense of self-restraint and astute judgment, local police officer Dylan Murphy told reporters Tuesday that he was proud to say he had never once fired his gun in the 30 minutes he had served on the force. “A lot of people tend to think of the police as trigger-happy, but I didn’t remove my gun from its holster even once during the swearing-in ceremony,” said Murphy, who touted the de-escalation training he underwent at the LAPD academy as having prevented countless confrontations he had been involved in over the span of his half-hour career from turning fatal. “Many of the officers in my graduation class have already fired their service weapons—injured civilians, even—but not me. In fact, I’ve only ever pointed my gun at someone a few times. Will I ever fire it one day? Say in the next 10, 20 minutes? Sure, it’s a very real possibility. But let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.” At press time, Murphy had unloaded his service weapon into a jaywalker’s back.