CINCINNATI—Expanding the range of its offerings to fit modern consumer needs, period-product manufacturer Always announced Thursday it would begin selling a new off-roading maxi pad with up to 40% more shock absorption. “This spring-assisted, all-terrain sanitary pad offers more shock-absorbing power than the leading competitor, whether you’re menstruating on muddy forest roads, a rocky mountain trail, or the sandy open desert,” said Always representative Livia Porto, demonstrating how a layer of premium, unbleached cotton was mounted to the Teflon-banded, large-flow digressive piston to ensure 360-degree leak prevention and an overall smoother experience of one’s menstrual cycle. “Absorb every bump and blow without a worry, because Always off-roading pads are specifically welded with real bodies in mind for a perfect fit you’ll barely feel. The patented Flexi-Wings are simply bolted into the pad mechanism with the torque-wrench applicator and mounted onto your panties with 3/16-inch fresh-scented bolts, offering up to 50,000 miles of period protection.” Porto went on to illustrate the product’s capabilities firsthand by pouring a container of blue rocks onto the pad.
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