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Congress Warns Shrimp Imported From China Could Be Spying On Americans

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WASHINGTON—Calling for a full-scale investigation into the rival superpower’s alleged surveillance, Rep. Mike Gallagher (R-WI) warned Thursday that shrimp imported from China could be spying on Americans. “Every day, the United States is recklessly importing thousands of pounds of seafood from China that could contain God knows what kind of wiretapping devices,” said Gallagher, chairman of the Select Committee on the Chinese Communist Party, who stood on the House floor alongside an enormous poster board depicting how a hidden camera and microphone could be implanted inside each individual shrimp. “Why else do you think China would send their seafood to us? These shrimp are scattered across the continental U.S. in our grocery stores, our restaurants, and our scampi. For all we know, they could be recording the rumbles in our stomachs at this very moment.” At press time, the House had passed a resolution condemning China’s use of surveillance shrimp.

The Onion

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