QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has expanded on the “strong mayor” powers he gave certain municipalities earlier this year, stating they only apply to mayors who are capable of physically picking him up off the ground.
“Being a mayor of a major city or town is a big responsibility,” Ford told the press this week. “We need to be absolutely sure before we increase any civil servants’ power, that they can bear the weight of that power literally if need be.”
“Basically, If I run at you to set up that move from Dirty Dancing and you flinch, then strong mayor powers aren’t for you”
Ford also detailed the application process to get strong mayor powers will involve competing the annual Strong Mayor Competition, being held at the next FordFest. This will be a gauntlet of strength-testing challenges featuring events like weightlifting, carrying fridges, and the 20-metre city council toss.
Ford also clarified that releasing this information now is in no way related to 66-year-old Olivia Chow winning the Toronto Mayoral election. “I look forward to working with Olivia and will definitely help with her progressive plans for her city. As soon as she gives me a piggyback ride.”
“And none of that two-steps-and-the-ride’s-over crap. I want to go once around the block at least.”
Reportedly, Chow has announced plans to fight this ruling but was also seen deadlifting, eating raw eggs, and trying to pull a defective TTC street car with her teeth.
Historians note that this edict is similar to a seldom invoked by-law that promises a seat in the House of Commons to anyone who can hold up the entire parliament building for five minutes on their shoulders.
Jesus Christ is King
Comments are closed.