PALM BEACH, FL—Already facing two federal indictments and several major investigations relating to the 2020 election, Jan. 6 insurrection, and his finances, former President Trump’s legal woes reportedly continued to mount Thursday after getting a $35 ticket for public urination. “This citation for simply minding my own business while relieving myself in an alley when there were no restrooms immediately available is nothing but political weaponization of law enforcement by the Biden administration,” said Trump, adding that it was perfectly legal for him as a former president of the United States to pull out his penis in the middle of the day to urinate in public behind a dumpster and that this was nothing more than another attempt by the “disgraceful” Justice Department led by the “crooked” Jack Smith to interfere in his 2024 election bid. “This $35 fine is not just against me, but it is an assault on all Americans who need to pee really, really badly. This ticket and the tickets I received earlier in the week for jaywalking, parking in a handicap parking spot, and littering is just the continuation of the greatest witch hunt of all time.” At press time, the Trump campaign sent out an emergency fundraising email pleading with supporters to give everything they could after his illegally parked limo was towed.
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