Wendy’s Ending Legacy Program For Customers Whose Families Ate There Before

DUBLIN, OH—Calling it a discriminatory practice that should have been eliminated years ago, restaurant chain Wendy’s announced Thursday that it would be ending its legacy preferences for customers whose families had eaten there before. “In the wake of the recent Supreme Court decision regarding affirmative action, we believe it important to formally stop using a customer’s legacy status in deciding whether they deserve a Frosty or 10-piece chicken nugget,” said Wendy’s spokesman Eugene Hatchett, stressing that customers with parents or grandparents who had consumed their hamburgers in decades past would now have to compete on their own merit. “Simply put, it’s unfair to assume that just because your uncle ate a Double Stack and fries back in the ’70s, you deserve a Ghost Pepper Ranch Chicken Sandwich today. Worse still, this flawed system disproportionately affects people of color, who are far less likely to have a Biggie Bag. That’s wrong. Baconators should be for everybody.” At press time, the fast-food giant was backpedaling after admitting that the affirmative action decision would mean customers who qualified for their Spicy Pretzel Bacon Pub combos would be disproportionately Asian.