‘Barbie’ Movie Tanks After Nation Finds Empty Cardboard Box To Play In Instead

LOS ANGELES—Drawing disappointing box office returns after months of excitement and viral marketing, the new Barbie movie reportedly tanked Monday after the nation found an empty cardboard box to play in instead. “This is more fun because it can be anything,” said giggling local man Colton King, 34, speaking on behalf of all 335 million Americans whose evident interest in the empty 36-by-24-inch LG air conditioner box had resulted in the blockbuster taking in a mere $125,000 nationwide. “We made it into a spaceship and then a restaurant that serves spaghetti and bugs! Then we’ll probably cut out the side and make it a screen to act out our own Barbie show so our parents can watch us. We even drew a volume knob on the outside and made a hanger antenna on the top.” At press time, Warner Bros. had reportedly paid more than $100 million to acquire and recycle the empty box.