‘Everyone I’ve Ever Dated Was A Narcissist,’ Says Woman Who Is Clearly A Narcissist

LOS ANGELES, CA — A local woman has written off trying to find someone special, insisting every man she has ever dated was a narcissist, complaining the men always talk about themselves when clearly they should be talking about her instead.

“Every man I date turns out to be a disgusting, self-centered narcissist who doesn’t see my real value,” said the woman, who is obviously a narcissist. “They insist on telling me about themselves and trying to open up their lives when what I really want is someone to ask me questions about me. It’s frustrating that I’m not as important to these pathetic narcissists as I believe I should be.”

The woman, who repeatedly asked to be named but whose identity is intentionally being kept private, is certain that she’s exactly what every man would want in a woman if they would just stop thinking about themselves for a change. “It’s not my fault these egotistical jerks can’t see a great woman,” she insisted. “They’re all so into themselves they don’t notice what a catch I really am!”

Though she said her dates are always willing to take her to her favorite places to eat and participate in her hobbies, she doesn’t feel as valued as she should be. “Someday, I’ll find someone who loves me,” she said. “Until then, I’ll just have to focus on loving myself.”

At publishing time, after only finding disappointment in every dating app and trying to have her friends set her up, the woman declared she was taking a break from dating to treat herself to some “me time.”

General Florg of the planet Graxon V has visited Earth – but he’s having trouble understanding humans as he’s never encountered a species with so many genders.

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Babylon Bee