Firefighting Helicopters Flown Over Greek Islands To Extinguish Out-Of-Control Saganaki

CORFU, GREECE—Rushing to contain the towering inferno of cheese before it spread to other popular Greek destinations, firefighting helicopters flew over the isles of Corfu and Evia on Monday to extinguish an out-of-control flaming saganaki. “Thousands of islanders are fleeing from this raging outbreak of fiery, brandy-soaked cheese, and our initial response of joyfully shouting ‘Opa!’ while smashing plates on the ground unfortunately hasn’t helped things,” said local firefighter Christos H. Papadimitrious, adding that his best guess as to the source of the 20-mile-wide saganaki was that a humble goatherd had wished to make a romantic dinner for the entire island without knowing the proper procedure for flambéeing. “We’re running out of time. It’s already a mouth-watering bubbling golden color. If we don’t get in there with some fresh-baked crusty bread and a squeeze of lemon, we might miss our chance to salvage what’s left of this delicious catastrophe.” At press time, disaster had reportedly been averted after a single elderly Greek man ate the entire saganaki without flinching and then washed it down with a 150-gallon shot of ouzo.