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FDA Crackdown Forces Colgate To Remove Nicotine From Toothpaste

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SILVER SPRING, MD—Noting that the oral health giant had knowingly poisoned Americans for years by using the toxic substance, the Food and Drug Administration announced Tuesday that it would require Colgate to remove nicotine from all of its toothpaste. “Contrary to Colgate’s claim that it was merely a ‘healthy addition’ to its line of products, our findings suggest that nicotine is a highly addictive substance that causes real damage to toothpaste users,” said FDA commissioner Robert M. Califf, who described how the dental hygiene company had caused millions of Americans to habitually use toothpaste at least twice a day over the past century. “They’ve been marketing these products to children, too, with flavors like Bubble Fruit and Watermelon Burst, as well as relying on smiling tooth mascots. This despite the fact that they knew it creates an addiction to healthy brushing habits. Frankly, it’s despicable.” At press time, Colgate had agreed to make restitutions to those harmed by swapping out nicotine in their toothpaste for cocaine.

The Onion

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