Theatrical Farce Features Teammates, Parents, Coaches Pretending Little Leaguer’s 12-Error Dribbler Was Real Home Run

GUILDERLAND, NY—A pathetic display of deception and self-debasement reportedly occurred Tuesday when a theatrical farce featuring teammates, parents, and coaches pretended a Little Leaguer’s 12-error dribbler was a real home run. Sources confirmed that the absolute travesty of an event included a number of full-grown and ostensibly intelligent adults cheering the hitting prowess of a 7-year-old member of the Tigers despite clear evidence that he was only advancing on the bases due to a number of sloppy throws, dropped balls, and other baffling errors by the opposing team. The boy’s teammates reportedly assembled at home plate to congratulate him for hitting a home run when, in fact, he easily would have been out at first had the opposing pitcher not bobbled the slow-rolling grounder and proceeded to throw the ball several feet wide of the first baseman, and sources confirmed they wish he had been out at first, which would have prevented this whole sorry charade from taking place. It would perhaps be reasonable, sources suggested, to commend the Little Leaguer for heads-up baserunning and taking advantage of the first baseman throwing the ball over the second baseman’s head, the center fielder diving for the errant ball and missing, and the left fielder throwing the ball to back to the second baseman for no reason, even if the Little Leaguer’s progress was mostly due to the third-base coach entering the field of play and running alongside him to third base, but it was a pathetic sham and an insult to the great sport of baseball to maintain the pretense that he had actually hit a home run. At press time, the farcical episodes had unfortunately continued to sully the game when several parents and coaches praised a hitter who didn’t swing at a wild pitch that was thrown three feet behind him in the dirt for having a good eye, when the sheer absurdity of the pitch’s errant location could conclusively establish nothing of the sort.