VINCENNES, IN—Lavishing their coworker with admiration for his new look, office sources confirmed Wednesday that local man Hank Schafer was racking up the compliments after taking a shower. Receiving a “Wow!” and several whistles from fellow employees, the usually unkempt Schafer was the subject of numerous flattering remarks upon his freshly shampooed hair and an intoxicating scent that was reportedly attributable to his generic brand of body wash. Awestruck onlookers were said to have been completely stunned by Schafer’s transformation from a disheveled slob to a full-blown “dapper Dan” who had brushed his teeth and combed his hair that day, with many praising his unstained shirt and clean hands. At press time, sources reported that Schafer’s new groomed look had caught the eyes of higher-ups who immediately gave him a promotion.
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