House Panel Didn’t Expect UFO Whistleblower To Just Dump Alien On Table Like That

WASHINGTON—Shocked by the former intelligence official’s sensational testimony, members of the House Oversight Committee told reporters Thursday they were not expecting UFO whistleblower David Grusch to just dump an alien on the table like that. “He didn’t warn us or anything—he just said, ‘You want to see some crazy shit?’ and dropped the little guy from the cardboard box from three feet up,” said committee chair Rep. James Comer (R-KY), who chastised Grusch for presenting the panel with the extraterrestrial specimen without so much as placing a hand towel down first. “It landed with a splat, and then he said, ‘I got more where that came from in my trunk.’ It was fucked up. The alien was so slimy, I think it ruined the carpet.” At press time, the alien had devoured Rep. Tim Burchett (R-TN).