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Holocaust Deniers Explain Why They Deny The Holocaust

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Following the recent uptick in anti-semitic rhetoric and claims that death camps never existed, the Onion asked holocaust deniers to explain why they deny the holocaust, and this is what they said.

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Ryan Zagdanski, Publicist

Ryan Zagdanski, Publicist

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“If you examine the evidence, it’s very obvious that the vast, meticulous records the Nazis kept of their genocidal activities over the course of twelve years were produced under duress.”

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Rhonda Evans, Hairdresser

Rhonda Evans, Hairdresser

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“All the evidence is there if you know how to make it up.”

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Mary Beth Lewis, High School Student

Mary Beth Lewis, High School Student

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“Our high school history books were printed in 1934.”

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Muhammad Abubakar, Therapist

Muhammad Abubakar, Therapist

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“Denial is the first stage of grief.”

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Moses Hurtado, Shopkeeper

Moses Hurtado, Shopkeeper

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“Do you see any Holocaust? I don’t see any Holocaust.”

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Sandra Patterson, Retailer

Sandra Patterson, Retailer

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“I’m really, really hoping for a job in the next Republican presidential administration.”

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Brayden Lowe, Bus Driver

Brayden Lowe, Bus Driver

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“There isn’t a single historical record of Hitler ever saying ‘I’m doing the Holocaust now,’ in all of World War 2.”

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Henry Madison, Doctor

Henry Madison, Doctor

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“It was made up so Liam Neeson can finally get the star vehicle he deserved in The Schindler’s List.”

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Benny Cantor, Limo Driver

Benny Cantor, Limo Driver

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“The Holocaust Museum is a political instrument engineered by 8th grade teachers to get their students to shut up for an hour on their Washington D.C. trip.”

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Frankie Ellis, Influencer

Frankie Ellis, Influencer

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“Higher engagement.”

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Travis Caldwell, Nurse’s Assistant

Travis Caldwell, Nurse’s Assistant

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“It drives the people who were in the Holocaust nuts.”

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Alice Redman, Barista

Alice Redman, Barista

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“I prefer to focus on celebrating other historical anti-Semetic events.”

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Kyle Jones, 8th Grader

Kyle Jones, 8th Grader

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“The YouTube algorithm had a different path in store for me.”

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Frank Anderson, Butcher

Frank Anderson, Butcher

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I don’t believe Germans are real.

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Harper Davis, Uber Driver

Harper Davis, Uber Driver

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“It gives me something interesting to talk to my riders about.”

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Amare Vick, Audio Engineer

Amare Vick, Audio Engineer

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“No movies I’ve seen about it start with ‘Based on a True Story.’”

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Dan Moran, Insurance Claims Adjuster

Dan Moran, Insurance Claims Adjuster

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“So, what? I’m confronted with facts and overwhelming evidence and I’m just supposed to believe it?”

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David Holt, 8th Grader

David Holt, 8th Grader

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“If it never happened I don’t have to write a paper on it.”

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“Susan Ansley, Therapist

“Susan Ansley, Therapist

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“I just don’t believe God would’ve let that happen to white people.”

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Jason Commings, Sous Chef

Jason Commings, Sous Chef

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“For such a historically significant event, it’s never been the subject of a single Disney animated film.”

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Martin Kensington, VP, McGraw Hill

Martin Kensington, VP, McGraw Hill

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“It’s the only way Florida will buy our textbooks.”

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