PITTSBURGH, PA — According to several highly disturbing reports, a local man has repeatedly declined phone calls from his own mother, even though she’s the person who gave him his very gift of life.
“Ugh, I just can’t talk right now, I’m busy,” said 24-year-old Daryl Barnes before cruelly pressing the “decline” button on his phone for the 3rd time that day, apparently unaware that the woman who had birthed him, nursed him, and rocked him to sleep every night for the first 4 years of his life really missed him and just wanted to hear his sweet voice and make sure he was alive. “I’ll call her back sometime this week, I promise.”
Eyewitnesses confirmed the poor mother’s heart shattered into one thousand pieces as the phone rang and went to voicemail once again. She then resorted to sending unfunny memes to her son on Facebook Messenger in hopes that he would respond with an “I love you,” a “hello,” or even a “laugh emoji” to confirm that he had received the message and was indeed still breathing.
“How could he do this to me? I’m his mother!” said his mother. “If he ignores me one more time, I might die!”
The man insists that he had good reason for callously ignoring his loving mother for the third time, as he was at Chipotle ordering lunch and the worker had just asked if he wanted guacamole. “I love my mom!” he said. “I promise I’ll call her later!”
At publishing time, additional sources confirmed that if you’re reading this you should call your mother.
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Babylon Bee
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