Man Paranoid Girlfriend Fantasizes About Sleeping With Other People As Often As He Does

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Expressing fear that his partner of the past two years might be harboring unspoken desires, local man Tyler Hiller told reporters Monday that he was paranoid that his girlfriend, Kayla Nguyen, fantasized about sleeping with other people as often as he did. “It worries me sick that she could be having sexual thoughts about every slightly attractive member of the opposite sex she encounters, just like I do,” said Hiller, who described the mere idea that Nguyen might be experiencing sexual attraction toward someone else as “unbearable” and “quite relatable.” “If she’s anywhere as perverted as I am, that would just make me so insecure. What if every time we’re having sex, she’s closing her eyes and imagining I’m someone else? She can’t do that, that’s my thing! I wouldn’t even know if I could continue being in a relationship with someone like me.” At press time, Hiller had assured himself that women do not feel sexual desire.