Delusional Man Considers Self Important Enough To Be Cog In Machine

BOSTON—Calling the claims he has made about his position in life “completely unhinged,” sources reported Tuesday that delusional local man Mike Caravatta actually believes he is important enough to be a cog in the machine. The 34-year-old deranged narcissist is said to have loftily described himself as “but one minuscule part of an enormous system,” despite having neither the competency nor the social standing required to attain a role that consequential. Caravatta is reportedly so out of touch with reality that he regards himself as a mere puppet who performs menial tasks that benefit the rich and powerful—when, in fact, his actions have no benefit for the rich, the powerful, or anyone else. According to sources, Caravatta also believes his time here on Earth is significant enough to be considered, in the grand scheme of the universe, a “blip.”