Jesus' Coming Back

Allegedly cis female athlete transitions to receive men’s salary

LISBON ― Accusations have been flying in the world of men’s track and field that one of the competitors from Portugal, Tiago Silva, does not really have gender dysphoria, and only transitioned because it is easier to make a living off of men’s prize money than off women’s.

“Wokeism was always going to lead here. After all, what successful female athlete would settle for dominating against other women when, simply by training a little harder to overcome a minor biological disadvantage, she could win against men and get proper recognition and financial compensation for her skill?” asked Francis Porter, a British runner who once lost fourth place to Silva.

“It’s cheating, plain and simple. A blatant violation of the divisions that were created specifically to protect one sex’s naturally weaker and more delicate egos. Plus, our biological drive to buy ludicrously expensive sports cars requires us to be paid millions more.”

The accused came out publicly three years ago, but has only been on hormones for eighteen months. Many cis male competitors contend that this is too short a time, as it creates the added humiliation of losing to someone roughly as sexually mature as a fourteen-year-old boy.

According to one anonymous source, Silva still goes by his deadname and female pronouns in private, and polishes his collection of actually recognizable awards every night while gleefully muttering “fools!” He then spends his increased salary on purses and makeup that female athletes could never afford. Supposedly, Silva considers the social, psychological, physical, and financial costs of permanently altering his body a small price to pay for people now knowing his name, dead or chosen.

Amidst the anger, some defend Silva. “I switched to female competitions even though that meant forfeiting any chance of prestige or even basic respect for my skills. I’d be making more money playing in a third-tier men’s league than I am on international women’s teams. But it means so much to finally play as myself, and my trans brothers should have the same rights,” put in trans soccer player Geneviève Dauphin.

Silva has denied the allegations. “I am trans. Some people will believe that and some won’t, but it’s enough I know it’s true. And after all, even if only half the world recognizes my athletic achievements in the men’s category, that’s still 4 billion more people than did in the women’s.”

Beaverton

Jesus Christ is King

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