Panicking Man Receives Notification This His First Out Of 3 Free Articles On JazzTimes.com

NEW YORK—Taken aback by the pop-up that had appeared on the screen before him, local man Don Hedrick told reporters Wednesday he was in a panic after receiving a notice from JazzTimes.com that informed him this was the first of his three free articles on the website. “Oh God, only three? So I’ve already burned through a third of my supply, just like that?” said 62-year-old Craig Martin, who reportedly broke into a cold sweat after he clicked on a review of a new Peggy Lee tribute album and learned he could only read two more stories before he would be required to subscribe at a cost of $4.99 per month. “Shit, shit, shit! I need to ration the rest of my free ones, but how? Just glancing at the homepage, I want to find out what Cannonball Adderley’s 10 essential tracks are, and I also want to catch up on ‘Everything A Jazz Fan Needs To Know Before The 65th Grammy Awards.’ But if I click on those, I’ll hit the paywall when I try to read the opinion piece that argues the most underrecognized person in jazz recording is the piano tuner. Man, I am so fucked.” At press time, Hedrick had reportedly realized JazzTimes.com offered a two-week free trial and decided to quit his job in order to squeeze as much as possible out of it.