Bloodied, Bruised Biologists Confirm Kangaroos Still 8 Times Stronger Than Average Human

LARAMIE, WY—As part of an effort to reaffirm the accuracy of existing scientific data, bloodied and bruised biologists from the University of Wyoming confirmed Thursday that kangaroos were still eight times stronger than the average human. “Okay, now we can finally say once and for all that kangaroos have the strength capacity of eight adult humans,” said head researcher Dan Fortis, wincing with pain as he explained that each of the kangaroo’s blows carried the power of eight punches and, boy, did it feel like it. “After having four of us on the research team try to take down a kangaroo, we can be certain that it was at least twice as powerful as us, if not more. We were really hoping it would be easier, but the facts are the facts. I just wish we still had our intern who got a kangaroo kick to the temple.” Fortis added that if you had a rifle, however, it was quite easy to take down a kangaroo.