EL PASO, TX—Asking if it was possible that he had it backwards the entire time, border patrol agent Ralph Forte was reportedly starting to worry Thursday that he was the rapist stealing taxpayer money. “My whole career, I thought migrants were the ones in this country committing sexual assault and taking our nation’s hard-earned tax dollars, but in the end, it was me,” said Forte, adding that he had never really thought about it until now, but between him and the people trying to cross the border, he was the only one defrauding the government and routinely committing unspeakable sex crimes. “You know, it’s weird. I spend all day accusing these people of draining our resources, stealing our jobs, and kidnapping and impregnating women, but in reality, it was me doing that. Boy, this was not a twist I saw coming! Thank God I’m getting paid overtime for this.” At press time, Forte asked if it was possible that America was also a nation made up of immigrants who had entered the country at one time or another, paused, and then gone back to drowning a child.
Comments are closed.