ABILENE, TX—Swaying as he put his arm around the machine, local drunk man Todd Bondy reportedly attempted Friday to talk some sense into a mechanical bull. “Hey man, be cool—no reason to freak out,” said Bondy, slurring his words as he explained to the electrically powered device that simulates riding a bucking animal that it was scaring the women in the bar. “Trust me, I’m on your side, but the bartenders here don’t mess around. I just know from experience that if you keep acting up and tossing people around like that, they are gonna throw your ass out to the curb.” At press time, sources reported Bondy was kicked out of the bar after the conversation with the mechanical bull escalated into physical confrontation.
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