WASHINGTON—Granting the cleaning implement full legal authority over her personal affairs, Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) reportedly ceded her power of attorney on Friday to a broom resembling her daughter. “At my age, it’s important to have a dependable family member I can rely on, and there’s no one I trust more than my beautiful hardwood daughter,” said Feinstein, who whispered, “You make me so proud every day, Kathy,” as she ran her hand gingerly along the corn broom’s bristles. “She flew out all the way from California today to lean against the corner of my office. Clearly, I’m in good hands with her. I’m also going to make sure she helps me leave all of my life savings to a very handsome bucket I met in the coat closet.” At press time, Feinstein was panicking after her daughter had been kidnapped by a custodian.
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