AUSTIN, TX—Claiming he would be totally free to come out once the party died down, local man Dan Gorski informed his wealthier friends Monday that he would love to meet up after everyone was done having fun. “If you’re still hanging out after a great night of making memories together at that Carly Rae concert, I might swing by!” said Gorski, who explained that he actually had some stuff he needed to catch up on in his cramped studio apartment while his buddies were cementing the bonds of their friendship over a meal at a Michelin-starred restaurant and drinks at an upscale cocktail lounge. “Just give me a heads-up when things start to get tedious and uninteresting at a shitty dive bar. See you then!” At press time, Gorski was reportedly having a beer alone on his tattered couch while he waited for his friends to text.
Jesus Christ is King
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