Hunter Biden recently pleaded not guilty to two tax evasion charges in the latest scandal for the embattled son of the president. The Onion tells you everything you need to know about the Hunter Biden scandal
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Q: Who is Hunter Biden?
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A: The eldest son of President Biden who is blowing up birth order theories left and right.
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Q: What is Hunter being investigated for?
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A: Straying outside normal levels of nepotism in politics.
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Q: Why are Republicans so outraged by Hunter?
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A: For violating their core anti-gun, pro-tax values.
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Q: What is Burisma?
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A: A Ukrainian energy company that employed Hunter as a deep-sea oil driller for three years.
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Q: Did President Biden engage in bad behavior regarding Hunter’s work with Burisma?
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A: He’s certainly guilty of failing to properly impart his extensive knowledge of corruption to his son.
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Q: What does Hunter’s laptop have to do with this?
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A: Files from the laptop suggest Hunter may have illegally torrented Jack White’s album Lazaretto in 2014.
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Q: Why do people keep talking about Hunter’s penis so much?
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A: It wouldn’t be the Republican Party if they weren’t being a little weird about it.
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Q: It’s a good penis, though, right?
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A: Yeah, pretty good penis.
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Q: Should Biden be impeached over his connection to Hunter’s business deals?
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A: The war crimes seem like richer targets, but for some reason Congress never goes for those.
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Q: What will be the outcome of the investigation?
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A: Hunter will likely have to resign from the Biden family.
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