America’s Foreign Policy Forces USA Women’s World Cup Team To Intervene In Japan-Sweden Match

AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND—Following President Biden’s authorization of the use of force early Friday morning, the USA Women’s World Cup team was reportedly directed to intervene in the Japan-Sweden match. In what supporters of the action have praised as reasserting America’s dominant place on the global stage, the members of the World Cup team assumed control of the Japanese side and informed the Japanese team that they could either work with them to outscore Sweden or would be considered a hostile side. Sources confirmed that several U.S. players, including Alex Morgan, Kelley O’Hara, and Julie Ertz invaded midfield under what the State Department declared were humanitarian grounds, saying that it was necessary to have American cleats on the ground to stabilize the region, while Swedish players deemed threats to peace were being rounded up and herded into their goal. Sweden’s coach Peter Gerhardsson was reportedly seen being escorted from the field by U.S. players under what some have termed a coup, and while national team officials have disputed the charge, they did confirm that U.S. assistant coach Twila Kilgore is serving as the temporary leader of occupied Sweden. At press time, U.S. women’s national team officials rejected as Russian disinformation claims that winger Megan Rapinoe was spotted launching IEDs at the Swedish bench.