LEE’S SUMMIT, MO — Congregants at a local church participated in a time-honored tradition this past Sunday, with everyone standing to their feet to observe the 7th Sermon Point Stretch.
“It’s nice just to stretch your legs a bit,” said Andrew Shoaf, who attends Crown Pointe Church. “It’s not any indictment of the pastor or anything. When you’re sitting for that long, you start to get antsy. The 7th Sermon Point Stretch is a great chance to just stand up, refresh yourself, and settle back in for the home stretch of the message.”
Pastor Dennis Luce instituted the tradition after noticing some members of the congregation having trouble sitting through the entire sermon. “I figured if it works for baseball, it can work here,” he said. “My sermons may not be as long as a major league baseball game, but the last thing I want is to have people falling asleep or tuning me out. Who knows, if this tradition continues, I may even start leading the congregation in singing a song during the stretch.”
Though some older attendees have been reluctant to embrace the tradition, the overall response to the 7th Sermon Point Stretch has been positive. “Definitely helps to have a little break,” said youth pastor Jeremy Wyatt. “People can even step out to the foyer, grab a coffee, and check to see if there are any donuts left. It has definitely helped people stay more engaged for the tail-end of the service.”
At publishing time, the church was reportedly considering adding concession vendors to walk the aisles and a race in which contestants would run around the sanctuary in giant hotdog costumes.
Is your wife being hysterical again? Do you need a sandwich ASAP, but the Mrs. is unreasonably upset? Watch this video for all the best techniques for calming her down.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction
Babylon Bee
Comments are closed.