Saudis Attempt To Normalize Ties With Israel By Air-Striking Gaza

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA—Insisting that they wished to demonstrate they were negotiating in good faith, Saudi officials announced Friday they had attempted to normalize ties with Israel by conducting an air strike in Gaza that killed eight Palestinians and left dozens more wounded. “As an olive branch to Israeli leaders, we’ve recently carried out a major strike on a Gazan apartment complex that may or may not have been housing Hamas militants—but the important thing here is we showed we’re serious about tearing apart the lives of Palestinians,” said a Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, adding that the significant casualties among unarmed women and children alone might be enough to push the historic deal to the finish line. “Obviously, obstacles remain, but we have the broad contours of a deal here that could absolutely decimate the Palestinian people. And this is just the beginning. Israel knows that if they normalize ties with the Saudis, that raises the likelihood of other Gulf States joining them in killing and maiming Palestinians.” At press time, Israel had reportedly attempted to show its seriousness by beheading a journalist reporting on the deal for an American newspaper.