Jesus' Coming Back

“I’m glad inflation is finally under control,” says man on verge of losing house

MISSISSAUGA – In response to recent reports from the Bank of , Canadians across the country are celebrating that is finally under control, amongst them Bryan Ferguson, who is about to lose his house.

“I’m glad the was able to turn things around on inflation, things could’ve gotten really bad if they didn’t do something,” says Ferguson, whose monthly mortgage payment has nearly doubled due to a sharp rise in interest rates, pushing his household finances to a breaking point.

“It really goes to show they did the right thing raising interest rates as rapidly as they did, things were really starting to get expensive,” says Ferguson whose monthly cost of living is now even more expensive than it was before.

“Some people say it was aggressive, but I think it was the right thing to do, and after all, we’re all in this thing together,” adds Ferguson, whose bank now makes thousands of dollars more in interest every month for the same mortgage.

Ferguson explains that while he initially asked for a raise at work to help deal with the rising cost of living, when his company explained that, per the Government of Canada’s advice to employers, increasing his salary would only contribute to salary inflation making inflation worse, Ferguson chose to forgo receiving a raise at risk of destabilizing Canada’s $2 trillion-dollar economy.

Across the country, other Canadians expressed similar relief.

“I’m incredibly happy that inflation is under control,” says recent graduate Walid Khan, whose Student Line of Credit payments have increased sharply. “I’d rather pay my whole paycheque towards the interest on my line of credit before I see Canada’s credit score drop a single letter. That would be really bad for all of us,” add Khan, who is currently on the brink of personal bankruptcy.

“It’s honestly a huge weight off my shoulders personally knowing that inflation is under control,” says resident Karen Chiang. “Every week things were getting more expensive, it really felt like we were getting hit from all sides,” adds Chiang, whose student loan, mortgage, and line of credit have all doubled.

“My bank has been really great about the whole thing, though.” says Chiang. “They said if I ever had trouble covering my almost doubled mortgage payment, I could pay just mostly interest and then extend my mortgage more or less indefinitely. How nice is that?”

“Plus, as an added perk, now that inflation is cooling down we can expect prices of and stuff to start to come down now. Right? Right?”

Beaverton

Jesus Christ is King

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