Rift Opens In Space-Time Continuum As Man Buys Dave Ramsey Book With Credit Card

ST. PAUL, MN — Local man Dean Richardson caused a rift to open in the space-time continuum this morning when he foolishly used a credit card to purchase a Dave Ramsey book.

“I’m ready to finally get my financial life in order,” said Mr. Richardson as he approached the checkout desk with The Total Money Makeover. “I’m just going to put this on my Masterca–Aaaa!!!!!”

Bystanders reported that Mr. Richardson’s actions caused an instant tear in the very fabric of reality. “Mr. Richardson broke the cardinal rule of financial peace in order to gain financial peace,” said onlooker Thomas Gaines. “It was like he took an elevator heading down in order to go up. He should have known better – Dave is literally cutting a credit card in half on the cover. The man got what he deserved.”

According to his wife, Mr. Richardson had been trying for months to take a course on Dave Ramsey’s financial strategies. “Dean had signed up for Financial Peace University at a church across town. His car broke down though, so he went and bought a brand-new car and put zero money down,” explained Mrs. Richardson. “The class got cancelled, but he saw Dave was doing an event in Chicago. So, he took an early distribution from his retirement account to pay for the registration. Sadly, Dean got sick and couldn’t make it. So, he finally just went to the bookstore with the credit card we’ve maxed out, and I haven’t seen him since.”

At publishing time, Mr. Richardson had reportedly made it back through the rift in space-time and, having glimpsed the future, immediately applied to be a UPS driver.

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Babylon Bee