Woman Squanders Childbearing Years Bearing Children

DERRY, NH—As they lamented her decision to take on such a burdensome responsibility in this phase of her life, sources reported Tuesday that local woman Laura Raclaw had chosen to squander her childbearing years by bearing children. “It’s just sad to see someone who’s still so young using this precious time when she’s fertile to have kids,” said close friend Diana Ankrum, who remarked that Raclaw was frittering away her youth all the more because she had decided to actually raise the children in addition to giving birth to them. “Does she have any idea how much fun it is to be in your 20s and 30s? No, she doesn’t, because she has three kids to look after. You never get your peak reproductive years back, you know. You have to use them to avoid having children while you still can.” According to sources, Ankrum was instead wisely using her childbearing years to get drunk alone in her studio apartment.