EUGENE, OR—Warning the 32-year-old man that you couldn’t trust anyone nowadays, local mom Sandy Fremont reportedly begged her adult son on Thursday to “be careful” while going to use a restaurant bathroom. “Please, son, I know you’re responsible, but I’ve read some stories about restrooms that would scare the bejeezus out of you,” said Fremont, adding that there were some really crazy people out there and you could never be too careful. “Remember, baby, don’t talk to any strangers, don’t look anyone in the eye, and if you feel uncomfortable, run. Also, if you spend more than a couple minutes in there, I’m coming in after you. Your mama isn’t going to let anyone hurt you!” At press time, Fremont could be seen brandishing a bottle of pepper spray, yelling her son’s name, and kicking down the bathroom door.
Jesus Christ is King
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