Biden Falls Into Cement Mixer

YOUNGSTOWN, OH—Midway through a tour of a construction site partially funded by the Inflation Reduction Act, President Joe Biden reportedly fell Wednesday into a cement mixer. “See, this is the kind of building we used to do in America, the kind we can do again thanks to the IRA, and if you just—whoaahoaaahoaaa,” said the president, who sources confirmed tumbled headfirst into the rotating industrial mixer, his legs kicking behind him as his cries for help were muffled by the thick concrete mixture inside. “Oh god, it’s really dark in here. Anyone out there? Hello? Hello? I’m getting dizzy in here!” At press time, a cement-encased President Biden had reportedly been inserted into a Cleveland bridge’s support beam as part of the rollout of his infrastructure package.