OTTAWA – As a summer season of wildfires rages across the nation, the Federal Government has updated the Canadian flag to more accurately depict the maple leaf burning in an uncontrolled wildfire.
2023 has seen emergency wildfire conditions in locations including Nova Scotia, Alberta, British Columbia, and currently in the Northwest Territories. While this is seen by many as a desperate warning for legislators to finally address climate change, the Canadian Government felt it necessary to first update our nation’s flag imagery.
“When people around the world think of Canada, they think first of our proud Maple Leaf,” explained Prime Minister Trudeau, coughing slightly from out of province wildfire smoke. “But since most of our actual maple leaves are currently on fire, we thought it was time to reflect that.”
The Prime Minister continued, “As well, since these summer wildfires are clearly becoming the new norm for Canada going forward, we feel like this flag update should remain accurate well into the coming decades.
Asked when the federal government would act to guard against wildfire conditions, Trudeau explained, “It’s kinda like last week, when I said housing isn’t the responsibility of the federal government – neither is the environment. Or inflation, or unemployment. But symbolic changes and press conferences are definitely our responsibility, so you can see how this new ‘burning leaf’ flag is right in my wheelhouse.”
With flags already being replaced across the country, many prominent business leaders have been quick to applaud the change.
“For years environmentalists have complained about us extracting and burning fossil fuels,” explained Jon McKenzie, president and CEO of Cenovus Energy Inc. “But now, with the flag already depicting the effects of climate change, maybe people will forget that the leaves ever weren’t burning, and they’ll get off our backs.”
Meanwhile, news of the updated “burning maple leaf” has been met with mixed reactions from everyday Canadians.
Robert Gramble of Red Deer remarked, “When they changed the lyrics of ‘Oh Canada’ I was angry, but adding flames to the maple leaf just makes me kind of sad? Or is it numb?”
Rajvir Singh, a temporary foreign worker in Fredericton, added, “I don’t know if the new flag is a good thing per se, but it is a succinct reminder of how the constant wildfire smoke is just like the air quality I left behind back in India.”
Mary Weeks, of Whitecourt AB, said, “COUGH COUGH flag COUGH GOUGH maple COUGH COUGH flames.”
At press time preliminary plans are already underway for a future update to the Canadian flag depicting the United States invading us for our remaining water.
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