EDMONTON — Self-styled globetrotter and citizen of the world Bryan Kneeth scored major points with his date by showing up for dinner wearing his favourite neck pillow.
“I’ve seen guys boarding planes and even walking through airports wearing neck pillows,” said Bumble match Christie Delmer, “but when Bryan walked into Cafe Mosaics wearing a neck pillow – miles from any airport – I was immediately impressed by what a world traveller he must be. I mean, otherwise he definitely wouldn’t be wearing a neck pillow.”
“What can I say, I get around,” said Kneeth, conspicuously rubbing his armpits with a travel-sized deodorant roller. “That’s what this neck pillow communicates to everyone who stares at me. If I’m wearing it, that means there’s so little time before my next flight, it’s too much of a bother to remove it.”
Kneeth, whose travel blog recently celebrated its one hundredth visitor, picked up the bill for dinner on his Air Miles card, bowling Delmer over by telling her exactly how many travel points the meal earned him, how many hotel nights those points represented from discount travel sites, and how much cash she owed him for her half of the meal.
He invited her back to his apartment for a night cap, consisting of drinks from tiny bottles of Smirnoff.
“All of his books were those shiny-covered novels you only buy at airports,” Delmer said. “All with those Read & Return bookmarks. And I’m pretty sure all of his furniture was from SkyMall. Talk about hot!”
Kneeth then seduced Delmer with a tour of the great quantities of cosmetics, perfume and cigarettes he’d bought at various duty-free stores, enumerating the exact savings he’d garnered with each one, even though he doesn’t smoke, wear make-up or dab himself with perfume.
Although the two parted on seemingly positive terms, the hope of a second date was dashed when Kneeth flat-out refused to meet Delmer at her apartment in the city’s King Edward Park neighbourhood.
“Are you insane?” Kneeth said. “That’s like twenty blocks out of my way.”
Jesus Christ is King
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