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5-Year-Old Going To Be In Big Trouble If Mom Survives Gunshot

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HOWELL, MI—Stressing that the youngster had really gotten himself into hot water this time, local mother Sarah Hendricks insisted to her 5-year-old son on Friday that he would be in big trouble if she survived her gunshot wound. “I swear, Tyler, I’m going to count to three, and then you better put the safety back on that gun and call the ambulance,” said Hendricks, clutching her bleeding abdomen as she told her son that if he didn’t grab her a few towels to stanch the blood flow this minute, she would be forced to cut down on his YouTube time. “I mean it, mister! Don’t you get out that Nintendo Switch. How many times have I told you to never, ever touch my Glock? Mommy is very, very angry… and… cold… and… losing blood….” At press time, the 5-year-old had decided to share the gun with his sister and let her try shooting around the house.

The Onion

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