Soot-Covered Ragamuffin Moving Into Neighborhood Suggests Area About To Undergo Industrial Revolution

BROOKLYN—Heralding dramatic upcoming changes to the community, local sources confirmed Friday that a soot-covered ragamuffin moving into the neighborhood suggested the area was about to undergo an industrial revolution. “Great, now they’re going to start opening a bunch of industrial mills and stimulate the rapid growth of the textile industry,” said Theresa Porter, 53, expressing her consternation that street corners would soon be covered in coal dust as plumes of black smoke from the factories emanated into the sky. “Every morning you’re going to hear the factory bell as hundreds of cinder-smeared scamps amble their way to work. The locally owned grocery store down the street has already been replaced with a smelting furnace. I even saw a street urchin trying to sell newspapers on the street for a nickel screaming ‘Extree, extree!’” At press time, sources reported that a roaming hunter-gatherer tribe planting seeds in the neighborhood portended a new agrarian revolution as well.