Study: Living Happy Life Strongly Correlated To Thinking About Property Values All The Time

AUSTIN, TX—Discovering a clear link between obsessively reflecting on appreciating assets and overall contentment, a study published Monday by the University of Texas found that living a happy life was strongly correlated to thinking about property values all the time. “Our data clearly indicates a direct relationship between the amount of time someone spends refreshing Zillow listings for properties in their area and the amount of fulfillment they have in their lives,” said head researcher and economist Lyle Granger, explaining that rates of personal satisfaction skyrocket every time one attends a city council meeting to rail against subsidized housing units because of what they might do to home prices in the area. “When thinking about happiness, it’s important not to consider neighborliness or solidifying your bond with your community, but to think instead of how the race and socioeconomic background of those living around you will affect the resale value of your house in 30 years.” Granger emphasized that everything in one’s life would fall into place as long as one maintained a singular focus on home values.