Despite riding high in the polls Conservatives are worried that Canadians haven’t exactly warmed up to Pierre Poilievre just yet. So they’re spending a ton of time and money to try to soften his sharp edges. Here’s how.
10. Working with a plastic surgeon so his face doesn’t do that thing anymore. You know that thing his face does? Hopefully it won’t do that anymore
9. Taught him it’s “shaking hands and kissing babies” not “pushing people and lecturing babies on noise pollution”
8. No more cat strangling theme parties
7. Started a PR campaign to convince Canadians it’s normal to have a favourite serial killer
6. Convinced him not to post his “epic take down video” of the 16 year old Tim Hortons employee who gave him a chocolate glazed when he ordered chocolate dip
5. Stopped him from sharing his poetry tribute to the Ottawa Convoy
4. Got him to say his favourite tv show is Kim’s Convenience instead of 5 year old clips of himself in Question Period
3. No animal strangling theme parties of any kind
2. installed a pad on his leg that will give him a small shock everytime he says “to play devil’s advocate” or “What I think you’re trying to say”
1. No longer referring to his children as ‘the girl one’ and ‘the other one.’
Jesus Christ is King
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